Archive for January, 2009

Whose plan is it anyhow?

When is enough enough?  I’ve been personally wrestling with that question lately as have a couple of my co-workers, so I’ve been trying diligently to find an answer even though I know there is no one answer that applies to everyone alike and to each specific situation.

Yesterday, I caught up on a few episodes of Oprah and her “Best Life” series.  The show on spirituality touched on this subject a couple of times and one of the spiritual leaders on her panel commented that “we spend a tremendous amount of time resisting what is happening to us and we exert so much energy doing so.  This resistance causes us to lose power and our inner wisdom to go forward.”  An Episcopalian priest was also on the show and he equated crisis in our life to a crossroads.  “In every crisis,” he stated, “there  is the end of a world as we’ve known it.  Feel fine, however,” he urged,” because it’s a threshold for something much bigger in life than ever imagined.  Let the old die because the new is going to be better than ever  imagined.”

My Christian beliefs strongly tell me not to worry, (Matthew 6:11 25-34), not to be fearful, (Exodus 14:13-14), and to give everything over to God, not to make me empty, but so He can fill me to overflowing, (Mark 12:41-42).  All  of this I believe and I work hard to follow, but I can’t lie and say it’s always easy.

But with that being said, how do we know if God is telling us to move on or to stay and fight the battle a bit longer?  Here’s a current example from my life:  The company I work for has 2 1/2 employees left.  We were building a renewable energy facility that takes manure and food processing waste and converts it to natural gas.  Construction has been halted and we are in debt to our vendors and still need a lot of money to complete the facility to make gas.  We try and try and try to raise funds and/or obtain loans, but to no avail so far, and in my 9 month tenure with the company, we have done the proverbial  one-step-forward, three-steps-back routine.  Is God trying to tell us something and we’re not listening, OR is he making us fight tooth and nail for this inherently good project while teaching us many important lessons along the way? 

So how do we know what God truly wants from us?  Are we listening or are we too busy in our daily lives running hither and dither, perhaps to fill the void we created in our lives by not listening?

Whether in my career at this present time or any other situation I have encountered I hold steadfast knowing that whatever the situation is at the moment, I am not in control of it and that no matter what happens, whether it be to my immediate liking or not, that God’s decision is the right one and I will give thanks for it.  There’s not much that I know for sure at this time, but the one bit of peace and truth I do know is that I need to be a thinker and a doer while continuing to listen for what God calls me to do.


Starting a New Year with Peace (for the first time)

It’s New Year’s Day.  Another beautiful chance to wipe the slate clean, forgive ourselves for the things we hold inside, and move toward a new day with a resolve to live each minute to the fullest.  Truly, this is not only a New Year’s Day opportunity, but an opportunity we have for every new day and each precious minute that lies within it.

What a gift we all have before us!  We have the chance to do or not to do, and unfortunately, many of us choose not to do. 

For years, I sat back in contempt and anger writhing away because I was so unhappy.  My unhappiness stemmed from my career and the decisions I made with it, and unfortunately, the unhappiness didn’t remain contained within my own world but slipped over and adversly affected my family and my friendships.  Please don’t let this happen to your life.  I can tell you from experience, it is not worth it.

As this new year begins, I tell you that I am 99% sure I will be losing my 1/2 time job in no more than a month, and I am really at peace with this.  I couldn’t have made the decision to walk away on my own to begin a new life, so I know this is  God taking care of me and moving me to where I am supposed to be going.  Unemployment compenation will kick in and financially, it will be tight, but I promise to make it worth it.  I will not lose a minute of this time wasting away my body or mind.

The 3rd week in January, I start a writing class through The Loft in Minneapolis.  I am so stoked!  It’s a class on writing a memoir and it specifically is designed to help the student remember parts of the past that they want to write about.  I loved the course description because they will be teaching what I seem to be missing.  I have had so many life experiences that people tell me I should write down and put into a book, but when I get to the point of trying to recall them from memory, the slate is blank.  If, by chance, I do remember and write, they just don’t seem to hold the emotion of the experience.  That’s probably typical as no words can every truly portray the actual event, but mine don’t come anywhere close.  Because of that, I will try something instead of giving up.

The 2nd week in January, I am starting a Yoga class through Community Education.  The old me would have jumped into a new studio, purchased a 6-8 week course and hit it 2-3 times a week; basically I would have gone overboard.  This new me takes things in baby steps now and savors each precious, little movement toward the finish line.   

Where I end up and with what career or lifestyle remains to be seen.  All I know is that I will open my mind to hear and my eyes to see and I will see the ride as a blessing.