Posts Tagged ‘relaxation’

My Mother’s Day

A reflection on Mother’s Day:

I am 43 years old.  We had the first of our three kids when I was 20. The second child arrived 10 1/2 months after the first, and child #3 entered this world 7 years later.  Chris and I were college juniors when Adara was born and college seniors when Kory showed up.  Yup, two twenty one year old “kids” graduating from college with two kids of their own.  Needless to say, I was the only graduate that year who pulled that one off.

_DSC0221Fast, (and I mean fast) forward 23 years.  Adara and Kory  are college graduates on there own and Mikey is in 10th grade.  Where does the time go?

Since motherhood showed up on my doorstep in a blaze of fury, I have worked full time, attended graduate school, mothered 3 overly active children, and kept up a home, (I’m not looking for accolades here so please bear with me.). 

It came out in conversation with my wonderful husband a few nights ago that I won’t let myself have any downtime.  While growing up, my father made this out of the question, so once I moved on and had my own family, I, too, threw the notion of rest and relaxation under the bus.  I was supposed to keep going-like the Energizer Bunny.  Needing time to regroup only meant I was weak.

Boy, was I ever wrong.  Now, with all the baggage still hovering, I am trying with all my might to not feel guilty for resting.  My job is 1/2 time at best right now, so I am writing and learning.  But because of this 1/2 time status, I feel guilty, so I don’t write like I should; I “try” to clean the house, do laundry, etc., but mostly I just sit and spin.  I was talking to my awesome mother-in-law yesterday, and she told me to just quit even the 1/2 time gig, get a cleaning lady, and focus full time on myself and my writing.  Wow, can I keep her for another 23+ years?Yup, feet propped up and twittering

So, here’s my visual mantra: Mother’s Day 2009.   I worshiped this morning, I read from my new book club’s selection, I ate glorious food prepared and served to me by my family, and I rested.  Yes, I rested and I loved it.  Slowly, if I work hard, the guilt associated with my resting will go.  With all the love and support I get, how can I fail?

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Clear the Vessel

Yesterday, I blogged about my inability to have one simple creative thought that could be put down on paper or entered into my computer’s new journaling software program.  Try as I might, nothing but crap transferred from my body to the paper.  As a runner, we call these downtimes “junk miles;” you’re just going through the motions, admitting that your effort is producing junk.  Not to worry however, this too, shall pass.

It Passed…

My one hour massage yesterday afternoon was the tip of the iceberg for what I needed-refueling of the vessel of my soul and spirit.  8 weeks of nonstop running and taking care of everyone else’s needs had left me not only physically askew with a knotted back and neck, but had worn my right brain down to the core. 

Now feeling relaxed and calm, and with a quieted spirit, I moved through my day with an open mind and a watchful eye.  I again saw beauty in the common element and awe in rarity.  Thoughts jostled for position with each other competing for space in my mind.  I was becoming engaged again in life.

I was inspired and not alone…

I received a number of comments from my social networking sites yesterday encouraging me to plug along knowing that the emptiness and void I was feeling was common.  Thank you to everyone who told me that they too, share at times in what I was going through.  I really needed to hear that I was not alone.

 What happened…

As the sun set on the lake tonight, I watched the hues in my writing room change from a bright and invigorating shade of goldenrod to ones with a softer and more muted pallet.  The cool spring breeze floated into my space and reminded me of the newness of life all around me.  Nothing smells as beautiful as a crisp, spring evening.  I had to stop and close my eyes to take it all in; to try to be whole and complete in my surroundings.  Slowly, I picked up my notebook and began to write.  Not junk, but first thoughts, feelings, joys and sorrows.  It was pure and had purpose.  It was again my spirit on the page.

 And what have I learned?

I have learned a lot by consciously wandering through this period of grayness that had taken hold of my work.  The more I forced change, the stronger my void held.  It wasn’t until I stepped away, replenished a tiny bit of my being, and solidified the fact that I was not abnormal, that my mind opened and what was natural to my being was allowed to come out and play again.

I need to not push the envelope.  Rest and revitalization are important.  Clear the vessel.  Replenish.  Listen and follow your body and mind-they always know the truth.